Something was going through my head, something motivating, something that lead me to type these words " Hi ladies, I'm am portfolio building, would anyone be interested in getting some pictures done. Family, kids, maternity, newborn... Email me!" and then Something went through my head that forced me to post that on the mommy and me playgroup Facebook page... What am I doing! Surely No one is going to lend me their children and let me take pictures of them, but at least I tried. That's what I told myself. At least I can say I tried. 5 emails later I have sessions booked for the next 4 Saturdays! Oh no, here come my nerves and me talking myself out of it. Making myself feel guilty for wanting to do something besides being a stay at home mom. I love staying at home with my daughter, and I feel blessed we have the opportunity to live that way. I just want something for myself. That's not a bad thing, or selfish thing right? Like its such a big deal I will be gone for a couple hours on a Saturday when my husband is home and completely available to watch the kiddo. My husband who is also so encouraging while I take the plunge and stop talking and start doing.
I need more proof to myself that despite my awkward shyness, I can do great things. That's right awkward shyness, it's so bad yet I keep pushing myself to get over it. I'm terrified that I will go out there to take these pictures and make a complete fool of myself. I don't know any of these people. I have only been to one meet up with the play group.. I'm the worst playdater. The plan was to wait until we moved back to Florida in a few months, I know tons of people in Florida that would gladly hand over their kids to me, and who I wouldn't feel so nervous around. But I'm sick of talking about it. It's how I am, I can't stand talking about something over and over and not ever doing it. You could call it being impatient...I'll call it drive.
I think this will be good for me. This is real on the job training, except no one is there to train me. This Saturday is my first session, some one asked if I could come out and photograph her daughters 4th birthday party. I absolutely couldn't resist because it's a ballerina party! I really think this is a good icebreaker... Wish me luck!
I think I can... I think I can... I think I can...